We all understand that ^w^
Hnnnggghh thank you all so much for always being so patient with me
I love you people goddamnit
Hey there everyone, listen up! This week’s Follower of the Week is esm398, wooo!
Congratulations for your first FotW, Esmie (you’re Esmie now mm kay), and thank you veryvery much as well!
« FotW info »
(Ps. And hey sorry for not being able to update FotW last weekend! I’ve been slightly overworked lately, and last weekend I barely had any time to stop by at my flat, sooo… Sorry ‘bout that!)
Already replied, I think! Look —> here!
Ah yes, the scene in question truly is known to trigger approximately everyone’s finger-related kinks. For immediate first aid, make a cup of hot tea and pour half of it on your eyes to burn away the image of Tom’s long, slender fingers fiddling with the flickering little switch. Be precise to pour only half a cup on your eyes, since you might wanna drink the remaining half.
It’s alright, don’t worry. Proceed to gather your severed ovaries from all over the place for example with a vacuum cleaner or a broom. Reassembling the remaining pieces might be futile, but they do make a fancy decoration item on your night table.
Ps. I, the undersigned, wish for no one to send their exploded and poorly reattached internal organs to Tom Hiddleston, and hereby legally resign from any responsibility concerning disturbing packages containing body parts showing up on Tom’s doorstep.
Seems only reasonable!
Heat level: Off the charts_
Number of victims: Beyond measure_
Scanning the situation:
Tom Hiddleston: in a state of villainy. Car: pretty damn fancy. Suit: fits too well. Smolder: it’s on. Voice: deep and raspy, with a side of wickedness. Hair: dark and masculine. Eyes: making direct viewer contact, gazing under brows. Smile: mischievous, with a hint of Loki. Fingers: won’t stop touching stuff.
Fans rendered defenseless. Severe pain of emotional, hormonal and psychological nature. Physical damages increasing. Severe, long lasting effects to be expected. Alerting all medical and psychiatric facilities at once.
Suggested course of action:
Stay put; do not wander off, avoid traffic. Take cover; pillows, blankies and other cuddly things highly recommended. Self-medicate; cookies and ice cream and chocolate hopefully nearby. Seek group support; confide to other fans, create supportive networks. Process the events; accept and forgive.
Debriefing sessions offered at SWH throughout the next ten years which it will take to get over the incident. Do not hesitate to seek help, either from the fridge, your bed, the nearest cupcake shop or friendly fans. Have faith in survival. We will pull through. Good luck.
SWH standing by_
Remain calm, everyone! Don’t give up!
Calm your raging hormones by lying under a cold shower screaming insults at Tom, cool down your heating emotions with a nice, strong headbutt against a table, and stabilize your pulse by fainting on your laptop. Everything will be alright!
….aaaaaaand the Jaguar commercial happens.
The Art of Villainy with Tom Hiddleston | F-TYPE Coupe (by Jaguar USA)
NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE: CORIOLANUS (2014)
Caius Martius Coriolanus
Estimated trauma risk: 9.7
This theatre play recording is claimed to contain a Shakespeare play starring Tom Hiddleston, but in reality it’s a dangerous weapon of mass destruction designed to leave viewers emotionally crippled.
Not suitable for those who haven’t even finished their therapy after Hollow Crown yet.
Includes the following triggers:
Have a hammer somewhere conveniently within reach so you can use it to alleviate the emotional suffering and hormonal pain by banging your toe with it at any moment when the watching experience becomes unbearable and you need physical distraction.
Loss of approximately 10 toes, 2-5 fingers, healthy eyesight and common sense.